The Humorous Twelve Steps

  1. I decided I could handle my emotional problems if other people would just quit trying to run my life.

  2. I firmly believe that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who said so was insane.

  3. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God, who didn't understand me anyhow.

  4. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I know, so they couldn't fool me and take advantage of my good nature.

  5. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their wrongs.

  6. I became willing to help these people get rid of these defects of character.

  7. I was humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings.

  8. I kept a list of all the people who had harmed me and waited patiently for a chance to get even with them.

  9. I got even with these people whenever possible, except when to do so would get me into trouble.

  10. I continued to take everyone's inventory and when they were wrong, WHICH WAS MOST OF THE TIME, I promptly made them admit it.

  11. Sought through the concentration of my will power to get God, who didn't understand me anyhow, to see that my ideas were best and He ought to give me the power to carry them out.

  12. Having maintained my emotional problems throughout my adult life, I can thoroughly recommend them to others who don't want to lose their hard-earned status, but wish to be left alone to practice neurosis in everything they do for the rest of the days of their lives.

-- borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous
and adpted for Emotions Anonymous
E. A. Messenger, Dec. 1972